That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
