she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
