and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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