it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
