Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
