i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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