I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
