It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
