just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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