i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
