I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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