Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
