It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
