Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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