We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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