why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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