Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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