i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
