I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
