she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
