Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
well you can't waste a boner
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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