So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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