you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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