We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
