I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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