i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
