with your own penis?
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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