I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
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Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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