here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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