You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
