If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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