Need sex. Gaining weight.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
She bit a glass in half.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
