Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
