I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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