I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
