He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
