Sry I called you an 8
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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