it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
