so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Randomize
