If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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