We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
