yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Randomize
