i permit you to call me
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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