matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
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She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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