I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
she smelled like a LAN party
operation have a gay friend backfired
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
