I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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