my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
