Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
