so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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