I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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