Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize