I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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