found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
