I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
