Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
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