Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
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