So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize