we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
