woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
