Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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