I'm pants shitting drunk right now
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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