1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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