My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
please come you make the beer taste better
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
