so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
