You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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