Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
