are you still at the devil's house?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
