It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
