Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
