goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
