The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
