You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
